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Teenage Counseling Session -2-
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By Noor Basmajeh
Translated by Schadi Semnani
In the first part of the counseling session with a group of teenage girls, a few of them recounted their experiences with being molested during their childhood. L.R. told her painful story of having been molested by her teenage cousin more than once and this encouraged others to speak up as well. A.Z. also talked about how one of her relatives molested her repeatedly. Today we continue the truth circle with these brave women who have decided to break the silence which has burdened them for so many years.
M.N. said "I've also had a painful experience… it was the janitor at my primary school. One winter day, when I was in fourth grade, I forgot my bag in the classroom and so I left my friends and ran up the stairs to go get it. It was barely fifteen minutes to two pm. I grabbed the bag and when I turned to leave, the janitor was behind me. Before I had time to wake up from the astonishment I felt at being attacked by him, he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. To this day, I vividly remember the disgusting smell of his lips…"
She stopped speaking for a few seconds and then continued, "But do you know where the disaster lies? I haven't been able to talk about this to anyone until today. A little while ago, I walked by my primary school and I was surprised to see that the same janitor was still working there and I'm sure that he has continued doing the same thing to little girls throughout all these years…"
This counseling session, which I'm sure, none had expected to turn out this way, ended. Out of eight girls, three had had some sort of experience with being molested at a young age! Can you imagine what a big percentage this is! Our society is the "society of the mute" and perhaps the readers of this article have had similar experiences themselves, or might be wondering if their children have suffered such an experience.
Believe me that this possibility should not be ruled out and everyone should be suspect, no matter how closely related they might be. It is best to suspect any adult that befriends a child more than necessary. We shouldn't allow our children to form friendships with adults until we are sure of the adult's intensions, and in general, it is best not to allow a child to go out with a teenager who is not completely trustworthy. In addition, our children should never be locked in a room with anyone, even if it was with another child, because we never know what might go through a child's mind…
Also, do not think that only young girls suffer from such experiences. Young boys also become victims of molestation. Sometimes the perpetrators are old men and sometimes they are women taking advantage of the boy's innocence and he will feel the effects of this act without being aware of the nature of this feelings.
A teenage boy I know laughs nervously when he recounts the story of two female neighbors, one 28 years old and the other 30, who used to call him over to them when he was 8 and molest him. They wanted to satisfy their sexual needs, while staying virgins, so they used him. This will awaken sexual feelings in the boy at an early age which might lead to destructive behavior even if the teenager doesn't realize it.
Let's not forget the maids that have emigrated from their countries to settle here and the fact that we know nothing about them and how they lived in their countries. They may be using the kids they care for to satisfy their needs.
Normally kids who suffer such experiences don't speak and just feel guilty about what has happened to them, as if it was their fault! This is what goes through the head of a child who has suffered aggression. Do not expect a small child to complain about having been annoyed, molested, or having been asked to do something shameful. Open your eyes and protect your child as much as possible.
I'm not trying to cause panic, but caution if very important so that you spare your kids such a painful experience. These stories are not scientific imagination, nor do they come from Western accounts of aggression. They are real accounts of what is happening in our society, and what we don't know is even worse.
The effects of molestation, especially on girls, remain and act like parasites slowly eating away without her realization even if she has forgotten the incident. Her whole personality is affect by this, and blood keeps flowing from this "hidden wound".
Scientific research has been done to identify the effects of molestation on young girls who have been through such experiences and have not told anyone about it. The following are the most common effects:
• The girl is constantly feeling guilty for an unknown reason and she is usually excessively nice and caring towards her family. She feels as if she has somehow wronged them.
• She hates her own body, usually unconsciously. Because of this, she starts having sexual relationships at a very early age as if to punish her body and herself. This happens especially with girls who are not surrounded by people who love her and protect her. Many lose their virginity in their quest for safety and to fill the wound created by their painful experience. This girl finds herself offering up her body for which she has lost all respect when the sick man perpetrated the crime.
These effects remain for as long as the girl remains silent and doesn't speak to anyone about her experience.
If you have experienced such an act, I advise that you break your silence and find someone to speak to, to release all the pain that has filled your heart.
As for these young, brave, teenage girls who have told us their stories, the healing process has just begun… It began when they told us their stories during this counseling session.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart…
To be continued… |
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