A Strong Warning - Article - News

A Strong Warning Before Children’s Games Turn into Sexual Encounters Lava Khaled – Al Thara Translated by Susanna Ferguson Leila was shocked and horrified to see her daughter of six locked in a sexual embrace with her friend—so much so that she was not able to control herself and keep from screaming at, and punishing, the two children. Perhaps Leila was half right—she saw sex as her starting point in the controversy among women regarding the understanding and analysis—or misunderstanding, and lack of analysis—of the issue of sex, its taboos and its limitations vis a vis both the law and the system of social customs. Sexuality and gender in children, or children’s sex games, as they are often called, begin with games in which children discover the limits of their sexuality, which often begin with something along the line of, “come on, let’s play bride and groom” or, “lets play doctor,” etc. Children’s early experiments with sex, or its simulation, are considered some of the most serious sins by religious authorities, who dub these games “the seduction of Satan;” others consider them to be signs of early immorality or premature ethical collapse. Is this a moral issue, in children who are not aware of the moral structure upon which society rests, or a sign of the Devil emerging in children who live, behave, and experience the world spontaneously, from a position of absolute innocence? The innocence of these children is more pure than a blank sheet of paper, or the horizon; they have only the ability to receive influences, not reject them. Their innocence is like the flocks of beautiful doves who cannot avoid polluted air. Images of sex are commonplace for anyone living in a city, and are collected on the internet by fathers and teenage brothers—these often serve as a map for children, who design their sex games based on what they’ve absorbed. In addition, children often take their cues from the messages sent by their parents, who sleep in the room next door. The images and phrases, sexual and otherwise, that children pick up from their parents are stored in the child’s memories and in his imagination, especially since—in the day time—parents are hugely influential role models for their children, especially when children are young. Thus, children don’t expect punishment for these behaviors—their parents certainly are not punished for doing the same things. We analyze their perceptions and analyze their behavior because these children are too young to give us answers about why they do the things they do or why they play games pretending to be brides and grooms. Are these part of the process by which children discover sexuality and sexual desire, or just simply an imitation of their parents? Could all of these factor be combined, in that children of a certain age are naturally preoccupied by sex and sexuality and their journeys of discovery begin with their own bodies and those of their peers? Could childhood sex games be in imitation of their parents, the same process by which children learn to speak and eat solid food--clearly we do not agree with the western Freudian analysis of the growth and development of the sexual instinct, which identifies the baby’s experience at the mother’s breast as the first step of the child’s sexual development—the “oral phase.” The sexual instinct cannot be ignored. According to statistical studies conducted by academics Jerinold and Wittenburg in 1989, 17% of the sample of 526 college students had had sexual experiences with their sisters; the average age for these experiences was 8 years old. Thus, with regard to the situation, age cannot be overlooked--sexual development is at least partly a result of imitating parents in their bedrooms and partly a process of discovery of their bodies, while the other option is to repress sexual developement. Since the statistics in this field are very similar among the countries of the world, indicating that social factors are limited at this age. Sexual development is a message sent from inside the body and those who experience it should not be viewed as sinners, since its is a natural phenomenon that parents should not interfere with and this instinct has the right to influence the behavior of our children—but how? Parents should not look at this issue as a moral issue or a question having to do with religion, since children are too small to understand these collective norms and beliefs which order their communities. Instead, parents should talk with their children simply and reasonably so that the child understands that they are doing nothing wrong, but that to play “parents” is an error and a danger, though not punishable on the basis that this behavior is a deviation from or encroachment on the dictates of religion. “M” says that she has not, and will not, ever forget her childhood memories of her parents having sex in the same room, because children’s memories store up pictures which are very difficult to forget, so perhaps the separation of children from their parents at a certain age is part of the solution. Thara magazine – Issue 205, 31/10/2009 – its fifth year of publication. This article may be reproduced on condition that the source is referenced.

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